~Spoiler Alert~

Here there be Spoilers. Proceed at your own risk.

Serisously, be careful. I accidentally read the ending to The Last Guardian on Artemis' page when I was still on The Time Paradox. I still cried at the end of The Last Guardian, but not as much as I would have had I not been forewarned. Be careful, guys!

A Brief Recap (In Case You Don't Remember Which Books are Which)

Artemis FowlThe book where all that is gold does not glitter.

Artemis Fowl: The Arctic Incident The book with the pathetic excuse for a Macbeth quote, and the worst Much Ado About Nothing pun in history.

Artemis Fowl: The Eternity Code The book where they finally figure out that Artemis is a girl's name (it took you this long?).

Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception The one where we have a kill-off!!!!

Artemis Fowl: The Lost ColonyThe one with the European child genius named after a goddess who decides to kidnap a fairy. But this time it's a blonde French girl named Minerva. But don't worry, she dissappears into the plothole after this book (may her soul rest in peace).

Artemis Fowl: The Time ParadoxThe book that surprisingly makes sense, as the title is The Time Paradox.

Artemis Fowl: The Atlantic Complex— The one where we all laughed at Artemis, but then felt bad about it later. I will be talking about this book in this post, so if you haven't gotten this far, leave now.

Artemis Fowl: The Last Guardian The one that started out with inkblots, was saved by Myles and Beckett, and had an ending similar to Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, except more confusing.

Now who does Orion remind me of?

I realized it when, in class, we had to paraphrase Act 2 Scene 2 of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. I was reading Romeo's part aloud and thought, Now who does that cound like? That's right: the hopeless romantic that has been hidden away in the subconscious of our favorite boy genius. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how similar the two were.

Forget everything you thought you knew about Romeo, and read the original play.

When you hear the name Romeo, what do you think of? A dreamy, strong, romantic figure: the height of romantic.

Go read a book.

Romeo Montague is not like that. If Romeo had written the play himself, he would have been portrayed as thus. However, when you look at the original play, Romeo is quite different. Our introduction to the character is Romeo's parents talking about him with his cousin Benvolio. His father says of him, "Many a morning he hath been [in the meadow] seen, with tears augmenting the fresh morning's dew, adding to the clouds more clouds with his deep sighs. But all so soon as the all-cheering sun should in the farthest east begin to draw the shady curtains from Aroura's bed, away from the light steals home my heavy son, and in his private chamber pens himself, shuts up his windows, locks fair daylight out, and makes himself an artificial night." In paraphraze, he goes and cries in the meadow all night, then comes back home and shuts himself in his dark room. Romeo is emo. (What does this have to do with Orion? You'll see.)

And does Romeo do anything to disprove this assessment when he appears on stage? Nope. He pines over Rosaline, his (possibly unrequited) love who rejected him to live as a nun. Paraphrased, his dialogue in the first act pretty much goes: "Oh woe is me! I will never look at another girl again— oh hi Juliet!"

Then he meets Juliet, and boy can you see the resemblance to Orion. "What lady is that which doth enrich the hand of yonder knight? ... Oh, she doth teach the torches to burn bright! ...Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight! For I ne'er saw true beauty until this night!" And with that Rosaline is forgotten.

Another problem with Romeo. He may-or-may-not be bipolar. When Mercutio dies, he goes from mourning like, well, Act 1 Romeo, over his friend's death to berserker in all of three lines. Not good for Tybalt. (Maybe Romeo secretly had Atlantis Complex? There's a twist!)

Three days later, Romeo and Juliet are dead. End of play. *checks watch* Well that was fast.

Similarities in Personality

They both fall head over heals for their respective girls, and both are the epitomy of MUSHY. The difference? Juliet encourages Romeo, and is mushy right back. Seriously, if you translated most of their dialogue into modern-day talk, it's the cheesyest romantic banter you'll ever find.

JULIET: I gave thee [my love] before thou didst request it, and yet I would it were to give again. (I told you I loved you before you asked, but I wish I hadn't)

ROMEO: Wouldst thou withdraw it? For what purpose, love? (Why?)

JULIET: To be frank, and give it to thee again. (So I can say it again.)

  • barfs from the mushy*

Granted, Orion does say some pretty stupid things, much stupider than Romeo. I don't know, if anyody said some of Orion's quote's to me, I'd probably hit him with a buzz-baton. Anyone else? Of course, I wouldn't put some of those lines past the brilliant mind who said "With love's light wings did I o'erperch these walls."

Similarities in Dialogue

Put these two together.

"Oh, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!"
―Romeo (about Juliet)
"You know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so."
―Orion (about Holly)

And, though Romeo never mentions pastel blue or dolphins (little ones :D), he does create a lot of analogies concerning Juliet, and I mean a lot.

An Interesting Conclusion

(Yeah, not many examples, but I didn't have that much time to write this. May update later.)

Okay, so if Orion is Romeo, and Orion is the opposite of Artemis, what does that say about Artemis's people skills? Not much positive ;).

I have also been told that it's almost like Orion popped out of The Lord of the Rings, and have mentally compared him to Don Quixote. Now, if Orion came from Artemis's subconscious, what does this tell us about how much fantasy/romantic crap he's been reading? Enough to create himself an alter ego, apparantly! And why? Well I don't know about you, but next time you watch/read LOTR, be looking for a certain elf named Arwen. ;) Just a theory, and it isn't even original.

Well, that's all for now! I have to leave before Holly Short hunts me down. It's a good thing for Artemis that Orion was "banishéd." Later!

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